inimicitia | open rp post ➢

It's not about what I thought you could handle, Noct. [ Gladio sighs, leaning in more as the other sits back, closing the distance, little by little, even now. ] It was about me. What I could handle. And I wouldn't have been able to go through with it if I told you before I left.

[ There had been so many opportunities to abandon the trials, each stolen second at a campfire a chance for the insecurities to tear him apart until there was nothing left but the fear. Cor's silent, constant presence helped and it hurt, too, because Gladio couldn't help but want to compare himself to him and at the same time, try to act like he wasn't coming apart at the seams. ]

I had to go, I had to do it alone, so that I could feel like I belonged here at your side. [ Finally, his eyes lift, the amber catching the flickering light and almost glowing, and they pin Noctis with a gaze that says more than all the words he's managed to get out. ]

[ It's a long time before he responds. Not because he has nothing to say, but because there's too much. Everything rises up his throat, choking him before he can get the words out, and Noctis sits there, frustrated with himself, continuing to stare moodily at the fire.

When Gladio shifts forward, his gaze flicks up again, searching that expression with a vulnerable look of his own. He's afraid — but not of Gladio. ] Did I make you feel like you didn't? [ comes out unsteadily, but Noctis doesn't bother hiding that, or the tears threatening to fall. He just stares at him, and waits, dreading his response but needing to hear it all the same. ]

[ The silence never used to bother him, the long stretches of quiet that curled in around them, warm and comforting, familiar, broken by the turn of a page, the click of the reel, a sigh or a groan from stretching. Gladio likes the silence when it feels like home, but this is fraught, the same kind of silence he felt when his father would enter a room, too many things unsaid, tension and worry and anger and fear.

And all the air is kicked out of his lungs when Noctis finally meets his eyes. Gladio stands, steps right over the embers and he's kneeling right in front of him in an instant, like the distance itself was part of their problem. ] No, Noctis, you didn't. [ His voice is soft, warm, and his hands hover by Noct's thighs, hanging in the air. Gladio rests them there, squeezes gently, keeps looking up at him. ] It was me. If we're gonna be hard on anyone here, that's the guy who deserves it. [ A little humor, hopefully, to break the tension. His hands haven't moved. ] After what happened in that fort, I started worrying that I wasn't strong enough to protect you and if I couldn't do that, I felt like I didn't deserve to be here. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, and facing Gilgamesh was the only thing I could think to do. If I could beat him and come back, then I could tell myself that I was good enough.

[ Gladio huffs, shakes his head. There's the faintest quirk of a smile on his face. ]

I learned a lot down there. Realized a lot. And I know I'm where I'm supposed to be.

[ Noctis looks less than convinced when Gladio kneels in front of him, and even when he squeezes his thighs, both of which make his breath catch in his chest. Still, he hesitates, wavering between a desperate need for validation and a chilly fear that he became everything that his father was — neglectful of those who loved him, focused only on the path ahead. Only Clarus stood beside the king in his final moments. Would Noctis be the same?

He exhales, resting his hands over Gladio's and squeezing gently. ] Alright, [ gusts out of him like an exhale, forcing all his internal conflict aside. This is about Gladio. And he's trying to remind himself of that.

It doesn't occur to him quite yet that neither of them have moved their hands. He's still just staring at Gladio, gaze tracing the new scar with a small frown. ] Sounds like you bonded with the guy. [ Is there a hint of jealousy in his voice? Shut up. ]

[ This is pain that a few hours by the fire isn't going to fix, Gladio knows it, and he knows Noct does too, but at least he can do this, he can keep chipping away at it instead of let it fester, ignored like it's not there bearing down on them. Gladio wants to shoulder the weight of it with him, wants to remind Noct that he's here and he's proud to be. That's something Gladio could stand to let show a lot more than he's let it, and he squeezes again, a gentle, comforting reminder.

Gladio breathes through the way his heart slams into his sternum, hard enough to bruise and loud enough he has to focus just to hear Noct's voice. ] Yeah, [ is all he says, his hands still in the same spot, pinned now under Noctis'. ]

If you call getting my ass handed to me a couple times bonding. [ Gladio chuckles, but he's still sore in dozens of places from the two fights he'd had with Gilgamesh and he suspects he will be for a while. ]

[ It's hard. It always has been for them. Neither of their fathers were all that demonstrative, and they withheld how they truly felt more often than they struggled through expressions of affection. Noctis could count on one hand the number of times he even remembers Regis saying I love you, so this — expressing themselves, being vulnerable — isn't easy. But he's always prided himself on the fact that they at least try with each other. And he's pleased when Gladio meets him in the middle, a tightness in his shoulders relaxing slightly.

His expression, though, is still a little pinched. Some things never change. ] Could've fooled me, [ Noctis mutters, but he at least has the decency to smirk a bit. And as fleeting as that amusement is, it helps thaw some of his stress from earlier.

After a beat, Noctis shifts his hands, tangling their fingers together. He's staring at Gladio seriously now. ] Promise me next time you need something like that you'll let me know. Okay? I want to have your back, too. [ A beat. His lip twitches. ] Idiot.

[ There's a part of Gladio that doubts his father really knew how to love someone, at least in the ways that mattered. Gladio would be lying if he said he thought his father didn't care, but that wasn't really love, certainly not to two kids who felt abandoned. As much as he could, Gladio tried to raise Iris in a home that was warm, to let her feel like someone loved her, but that was hard on a kid who never really knew what that was supposed to feel like, a kid who was torn between that life and the one he was sworn to, the prince who he was meant to give his life for.

Somehow, in spite of the odds, Gladio figured it out, and here he is, trying to reach across that gap, because this matters.

A laugh bubbles up, and he squeezes Noct's thighs again. ] I prefer doing it our own way.

[ Releasing his grip, he holds his hands up slightly, enough for Noctis to sneak his fingers in between his own and he curls them as he meets that gaze. ] I hope there's not gonna be a next time, but if there is, I'll tell you what's on my mind. I promise. [ Another chuckle rushes out of him and he feels lightheaded almost. Gladio shakes his head. ] You do, and I know it. I just needed to remind myself of that.

[ A soft exhale shudders out of him when Gladio threads their fingers. He's caught in his eyes again, burning a bright amber, and Noctis is only half-aware when he swallows, staring right back. It's like looking directly at the sun — not that he minds. ]

You better, [ comes out far too warm and affectionate to be threatening, but the sharp glint in his eyes is a promise. He won't forget this. ] We're in this together. It's all or nothing. [ Noctis doesn't clarify what, exactly, he's saying with that last sentiment, but he doesn't feel like he needs to. Gladio will understand. He always does.

And if he's squeezing his hands too tight, well. That says something too. ]

I'll always be right here. [ Because that sentiment doesn't need to be explained, Gladio knows it intrinsically. This is the life he wants, standing right at Noct's side, and there's no where else for him but here. And if it feels like drowning, staring into Noctis' deep blue eyes, it's a good thing that he likes the sound of the waves crashing overhead and the cradling sensation of sinking deeper and not caring to know how to get back to the surface.

Gladio squeezes back, too, as much a lifeline to Noctis as Noctis is for him. ]

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